Friday, September 30, 2011

Back in Time

I wrote most of these things a month or two ago.  Before we were ready to shout our baby news to the world.  But, now that our secret is out, I wanted to share what I was thinking at the time.

July 18, 2011
          I'm pregnant--and SO excited!  The peeing on the stick thing was a technicality really.  I knew.  I knew it from the moment it happened.  And now, it's really real!  I apologize in advance for the amount of exclams in this entry, but if I'm allowed exclams in life, it should be over news this exciting!  I wanted this so badly, and though this tiny little baby is barely a millimeter long, it became so much more real when we saw that faint pink line this morning.
          Baby, you're going to have the best big brother any little boy or girl could ask for. He's so fun, so sweet, and I hope the two of you will be the best of friends (though I understand the occasional knock-down, drag-out fight--I have siblings of my own). I can't wait to meet you, and love you, and nom on you to my heart's content (or at least as much as you'll allow).

July 28, 2011
          I bought the first little outfit last night.  It's a romper because OMG what's cuter than a baby in a romper?   It's gray (very unisex) has a koala bear on it with the caption "I love snacks."  I mean, who doesn't love snacks?  It's adorable, but more importantly, the first thing I've bought for this baby.  Since I'm only a few weeks along, it's hard to remember this is real, not just a hope anymore, but REALLY real. A mere 8 months from now I'll be meeting him or her!  I couldn't be more excited.  And I can't wait to see some baby chubs in that romper.

August 8, 2011
          We had an early sonogram this morning and got to see a little heart fluttering!  It was still tiny, tiny, tiny, but we could see (and hear!) the beat.  The sonogram technician said the heartbeat was already 125 beats per second, which is really good for this early. I'd had some cramping and the sonogram ruled out any problems.  Everything looks good and right on track for an April Fool's Day due date. And, it's NOT twins--thank God!
           AFTER the appointment, however, I had to go have blood drawn for the normal blood testing and almost passed out at the lab.  I ended up on the tile floor, knees up, the phlebotomist fanning me with a thick stack of papers.  I was so embarrassed that I couldn't stop apologizing.  She just kept saying, "it happens all the time, sweetie" but that really didn't make me feel much better.  Apparently I've gotten a little soft when it comes to blood draws.

August 22, 2011
          We told Gavin the big news yesterday.  A sweet little smile came across his face when we showed him his shirt that said "Big Brother Gavin," but I still don't think he quite understood.  When we told him there was a baby in Mommy's tummy, he said, "I have baby in my tummy!"  He's into wanting to be like us lately, so I guess that makes sense.  When we asked him whether he wanted a baby boy or a baby girl to live with us, he said, "A baby doctor!"  Apparently there are high expectations for this little one already.

September 6, 2011

          I visited a cardiologist for the first time in my life today.  I've been having lots of heart palpitations, sometimes up to 30 times a day, and my OB/GYN was concerned so she referred me.  Turns out I have Mitral Valve Prolapse, which is pretty common in women between 20 and 40.  The cardiologist wasn't concerned, and said I wouldn't have any ongoing issues with it, but because my blood volume is doubled right now thanks to pregnancy, it's just causing this problem to be more prominent.  Most people don't even realize it's happening. 
          I was totally freaked out about going to the appt. today, and walking in the office and being the only 20-something in a sea of 60- to 70-somethings didn't help much, either.  But, I left feeling relieved, and much less stressed, which in turn will probably decrease the palpitations, too.  I just didn't want to go in there today and be told I couldn't go through this pregnancy because of my heart, or that the baby would be hurt because of it, etc.  I'm a worrier.  It's what I do.  This baby's barely the size of a lime and I'm already worried sick.  I thought second babies were supposed to be less stressful.    


September Gavinisms

I love, love, love toddler language.  The way they put things together and mix things up fascinates me and, I have to admit, tickles my funny bone.  So, for your own personal enjoyment (but mostly my own), I'll post my favorite "Gavinisms" every month.  This month's is particularly fun--enjoy!

In response to either Ryan or me saying "I love you": "I love you sometimes."

The "I love you" response when Gavin's feeling particularly lovey: "I love you always and forever."

After putting on Daddy's deodorant:  "I smell like a man."

When asked whether he'd like a baby brother or baby sister: "I want a baby doctor."

When asked what we should name the baby: "Princess"

To Ryan after getting out of the shower: "Put your robot on, Daddy."

To me, while patting my pregnancy-hormone-enlarged chest: "I feel the baby, Mommy!"

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

The Depth of an Emptied Dishwasher

It's poem-posting time again and today, you get a love poem.  Let's all say it together now....ahhhhhh.

This is one of my very favorites from my Master's portfolio, mostly because every time I read it, it helps remind me just how lucky in love I am, even on those days (and we all have them) when we're not feeling quite so loving.

Big-gesture Love
For Ryan

I wished a lover would graffiti
my name on the underside
of a bridge or fill my house
with thornless purple roses
after our first big fight.
I always wanted the proposal
at a sold-out baseball game—
our faces large as houses
on the jumbotron
when I said Yes.
I wished for big-gesture love
and got you—
the one who warms my blanket
in the dryer before bed, stays
up all night when our baby
is sick with croup, and always
lets me choose our Friday night rental.
I wished for my name written
into a song’s chorus
before I knew the depth
of an emptied dishwasher.

Thursday, September 15, 2011


I’m 30 today!  THIR-TEE.  I’ll let that sink in for a minute.  It definitely took me a minute this morning.  Maybe even thirty.  (See what I did there?) 

It’s not that 30 is a bad age, or 30 is old (because it definitely is NOT!)—it just sounds like a grown-up age, and there are some days…okay, many days that I still don’t feel like a grown up.

But then I look at my life and realize I’ve been sitting in adulthood pretty comfortably for a while now.  I have a loving husband—truly my partner in life. I have a brilliantly handsome little 2 ½ year old son. I have a job that many dream of having.  I don’t have to go to work every day—I get to go—and I love that. I have friends who stick by me and call me out when I need it. I have family who loves me unconditionally—even at my worst.

I am So. Very. Blessed.

But the icing on the proverbial “birthday” cake today is that I am also pregnant with our second child. See what I mean?  So blessed. 

So—from where I sit, 30 may be “grown up,” but it’s also incredibly happy. And awesome. And better than I ever imagined.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

It's the Little Things

When I get home every night, I ask Gavin, “Was it a good day or a great day?”  Lately, the answer is a half-hearted “good” since he started back to daycare a couple of weeks ago.  He spent all summer hanging out with Daddy—going to the zoo, swimming at the pool, visiting indoor playgrounds, bowling.  Basically, a summer of one-on-one bliss has now become a 4 to 1 ratio of sharing, structure and the unknown.

Drop-off every morning is heartbreaking.  He clings to my legs and cries, whining “Mommeeeee” until one of the workers pries him away and distracts him enough that I can get out the door.  My last view of him is always of tear-stained cheeks and outstretched arms. 

But not today. Today was different. Today he was excited to hang his jacket up on the classroom’s coat-rack. Today he shyly showed his teachers a family photo he’d brought to hang up in class. Today he blew me kisses, smiled and waved good-bye. 

Today was a great day.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

It's a Marshmallow Kind of Day

Gavin insisted we start today with marshmallows. 

I’d missed out on our usual morning cuddle in front of Curious George because I was distracted, frantically picking up the last pieces of clutter so our housekeeper could do her job today. Ryan fed Gavin breakfast and got him dressed, and before I knew it, it was time to go. I rushed him to the door, already thinking about the meeting I would be late for when he asked, “Please have marshmallow?”

I looked down at his ornery little smirk and melted. Even at 2 and a half, this kid already knows how to sucker his Momma with a single look. We opened the pantry doors together and he grabbed the bag of jumbo marshmallows excitedly.  “One for me,” he said, “and one for Mommy!”

“Oh, no thanks, buddy,” I said. “You have one.”

“YES!” he said. “Mommy need marshmallow, too!”

So there we sat—eating jumbo marshmallows together on the kitchen floor—late for daycare, late for work, but utterly happy.

Then I saw this quote when I was out at lunch today. “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy marshmallows, which are kinda the same thing.”

Coincidence?  I think not.