Thursday, February 9, 2012

"Falling Down Is Funny" Came Back to Bite Me in the Ass

I totally bit it while walking out of work on Monday night.  Some yahoo spilled the tiniest amount of water on the floor and I happened to hit it juuuust right and went down hard.  Now, before the panic ensues, I'll tell you that Baby Doc is perfectly fine, as am I, with the exception of my left knee.  I landed on it pretty hard and let me tell you--I sure felt those extra 30+ pounds I'm carrying right now.

Someone helped me up and I limped the rest of the way to my car before realizing, "Hey.  This happened at work.  I probably can't just head to any random urgent care to make sure my kneecap isn't broken."

And so it began.  At 8 months pregnant, I not only completed a breathalyzer test, but also a urine sample drug test and what seemed like dozens of sheets of paperwork to document what had happened, when it happened, why it happened, etc. before finally seeing a doctor who ensured me that my knee would be just fine.  Diagnosis: a badly bruised kneecap.  Treatment: ice for 72-ish hours.

Gavin sent me to work the next day with his favorite Elmo ice pack.  "Elmo make you feel better, Mommy," he said, and I couldn't resist accepting his very sweet offer.  So, there I sat with Elmo on my knee in meetings and at my desk.  My co-workers feigned concern, but got over it quickly at the sight of Elmo.

For years I've laughed inappropriately when others have fallen down.  It's almost an automatic reaction for me, like some kind of nervous tick or something.  So I suppose I deserved this, but the most comical part of this whole ordeal is that I'll likely have to submit a list to HR of the ways my accident can be avoided in the future.  I'm not kidding.

Though my list will be a little different for HR, here's my list for all of you on "How to Avoid Injury and/or Falling at Work."

"How to Avoid Injury and/or Falling at Work"
Wear clothing made only of bubble wrap.
Avoid blinking while walking.
Insist no one be allowed to drink water at work. Ever. Again.
Give birth so I can see my feet while walking.
Only wear shoes with suction cup soles.
Insist I be carried around in some kind of palanquin, like Cleopatra.
Wear knee pads at all times.  
Buy new shoes (preferably very stylish ones!)
Learn to walk on water. (Thanks to my manager for this idea!)
Wear hospital-issued gripper socks over my shoes.


Linda C said...

I get credit for the last one.

Glad you're both OK.

melody said...

I laughed at you! All I could think when I read the heading was "Winter Wipeout". haha. However, I will also admit that I, myself, fell at work when pregnant, on my left knee. And it still hurts today, MONTHS later. I couldn't use the excuse that I couldn't see my feet though, wasn't QUITE that far along. lol. But does the excuse that I tripped over the crash cart cord make it better?