Saturday, March 31, 2012

A Letter to My Child(ren)

I wrote these letters to the boys last Saturday and didn't get them posted because...surprise!  Baby Doc decided to make his entrance a little earlier than expected.  I still wanted to post them though because they're my last musings as a mom of one, my last thoughts on being pregnant, and the last time I wouldn't fully understand how much my heart could grow overnight.

It feels so strange that this is my last letter to you as my only child.  This week, we'll meet your brother!  I'm so excited for you.  To have a sibling, to be a big brother, to have someone to commiserate with when your crazy parents are embarrassing you.

At the same time, I'm a little sad.  Your whole world is about to change, and as much as we've tried to prepare you, it's going to be a big adjustment.  We've read books, talked about babies, asked for your help washing the baby clothes and getting out the swing, bassinet and other baby things.  You've even practiced rocking your "friends" (stuffed animals you sleep with every night) in the baby swing, tucking them in, soothing them when they're "upset," etc.  Still, you've had us all to yourself for three whole years, and all that is about to change.

But trust me when I say that I'm just as nervous for myself, too.  Before you were born, I was sad to think about it not being just me and Daddy anymore.  But then you arrived and when I looked at you, I thought, "Oh,  Of course, it's you."  You were always meant to be a part of our family.  So the sadness I'm feeling now--for you, for "us," it will be gone soon, replaced by that familiar feeling of your brother's presence.  Because he's always been meant for us, too.

And I can't wait to see my two boys together.  You'll have so much to teach Baby Doc.  Just this week you impressed me with your "dressing yourself" skills.  Usually, you get something backwards, or inside out, but lately, you're getting things right more often than not.

You've become just generally more independent in most ways, except for going potty in the middle of the night.  You have a special clock in your room that tells you when you can get up in the morning.  When bunny is sleeping, you're to be in bed.  When bunny wakes up, you can get up, too.  Well, that's backfired on us a little bit because when you wake up in the middle of the night and need to pee, you won't get up because "bunny's sleeping."  So you call for one of us until we come take you to the potty and then you go right back to sleep.  We keep trying to tell you it's okay to get up and potty and then go back to bed, but so far, no dice.  You'll get it eventually, though, I'm sure.

Well, buddy, the next time I write you, you'll officially be a big brother.  You're going to be so good at it, I just know it.  I'll miss you this week while you're at Grandma's.

I love you more,

Baby Doc,
I can hardly believe this week is already the week!  It's gone by so fast, and simultaneously slow.  But it's almost here, and I am so excited to meet you and snuggle you and just breathe you in.

Your movements have slowed down from big kicks and jabs to slower, more stretch-like movements.  You constantly stick a heel or some other pointy appendage out on my right side.  If I happen to be laying on that side when it happens, it feels like you're going to slice right through my belly.  You still get the hiccups ALL. THE. TIME. and it makes me wonder if you're going to be a hiccup-per when you're born, too.

My blood pressure has stayed steady these last few weeks and I haven't had an abnormal amount of swelling as long as I keep my feet up regularly.  Yay for you hanging around in there until you were fully cooked!  But, whether you like it or not, you'll be evicted this week.  :)

I had my last day of work yesterday before maternity leave.  It felt really strange to walk out of there knowing I won't be working for the next six months.  But also extremely happy to know that I get to spend that time with you.  I won't be able to get that time back, and I'll never regret a day I spent on maternity leave, even if we will be a little short on cash temporarily.  Plus, our entire family gets to spend the summer together.  Who gets to say that?

So, my little man, the next letter I write you will be written to you, with your real name, though I have a feeling that "Doc" might stick around as a nickname.  Your brother isn't going to quite understand what changed all of a sudden, I'm afraid.

Stay strong and healthy and I'll see you on Wednesday!

I love you more,

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