The End

Abner,
I've tried and failed to write this post multiple times now.  I'm just not quite sure how to say goodbye to you, though I've known it's been coming for far too long now.  As I write, I watch you hobble around the house--mostly blind, deaf, confused and barely able to walk.  It's been such a slow progression that I've been in denial about how bad you've deteriorated over the last year.  I've just been angry.  Angry at the constant messes we've had to clean up, angry that you started biting (both us and Gavin), angry that you won't give in to death on your own...just...angry.

But then I ran across some old photos of you this week--the happy, playful, youthful you that plopped into our lives eight years ago and the anger is gone, replaced by an overwhelming sadness that this really is the end.  You're so far gone that there's just a shell of you left now.  The light that filled your eyes in those pictures is gone and has been for some time.  It just took me a while to accept it.

Though you've always been our "old man dog,"  I don't want to remember you that way.  It's the silly, frisky, unconditionally lovable stories that I want to come to mind when I think of you.  Like the story of how we "dogsat" you over a weekend and I ended up falling so in love with you that I couldn't bear to let you go.  Or the many, MANY nights one of us (mostly Ryan) slept with you on the floor because you were so afraid of thunderstorms that you ripped the house apart in fear.  Or the dozens of times somebody asked us what breed you were and we said, "we're not sure" (we never did figure that one out).  Or how you became a "guard dog" when Gavin was born, constantly laying next to him.  The trips to DQ because you loved ice cream, the tricks you so excellently performed, the way you kept Daisy on the sidewalk during walks, the cuddles, the kisses, your scaredy-cat howl, and a thousand more little things I love about you.

So today, when we take you to the vet and say goodbye...it's those things I'm going to remember.  Thanks for bringing our family so much joy.  My favorite, my bub, my silly old man...I'll miss you.

Very excited for Christmas treats at the old house!

Best buds--Daisy and Abner looking out the front door of the old house.

So playful.  He loved it when his toy would get stuck under the counter.

Cuddles!

All worn out from playing too hard.

Cuddled up on the couch.

Transforming into the guard dog once Gavin arrived.

Hiding out (or looking for scraps) under Gavin's high chair.

Our "old man" in his old age.

Abner
2004-2012

May Gavinisms

Pondering a package we got in the mail:
Ryan:  "What is it?"
Gavin:  "A CD!"
Ryan:  "Who do you think it's from?"
Gavin:  "Jesus!"

Before lunch one Saturday afternoon:
Gavin:  "My tummy says I want some lunch."

Guessing the correct answer while watching Mickey Mouse Club House:
Me: "You got that one right!"
Gavin:  "Ya.  I did.  I know everything in the whole world."

Discussing table manners with Bennett.
Bennett:  (crying)
Gavin:  "Bennett, don't cry at the dinner table.  That's rude."

During bedtime prayers one night:
Gavin:  "Jesus lives in my heart."
Me:  "You're right, buddy."
Gavin, looking down his shirt:  "You in there, Jesus?  I don't see you."

After taking a stumble and shedding a few crocodile tears:
Me:  "Are you okay?"
Gavin:  "Yeah.  Can I have a hug from Bennett?"
Me, suppressing a laugh:  "Sure."
Gavin, after the "hug":  "Now I feel better."

A Letter to My Boys

Gavin,
You're home for the summer now, and apparently you're going to be greatly missed at school.  All four of your teachers gushed about how much they'd miss you and what a sweet little boy you are.


I'm also realizing more every day how blessed Daddy is to get to stay home with you every summer.  This extra time with you is awesome, and so much fun.  We've got a whole list of stuff we plan to do this summer:  the pool, the zoo, get a library card and check out books, magic shows, bowling, a Shatto farm tour, going to the lake, etc., etc.  But the thing that's been the most fun so far is just hanging out with you.  Your imagination is so fun right now.  The accent chair in our living room frequently turns into a "police car" so we can "take the bad guys to jail," and our stairs have become your pirate ship.  You make me brownies and "chocolate tea" in your kitchen (apparently you know how much  your Momma likes chocolate!) and your barn we got you for Christmas two years ago has become your hideout.


Earlier this month we went to WeCare's Spring Sing and watched you sing a dozen songs we'd heard bits and pieces of at home.  It was adorable, and the surprise song for Mother's Day had me crying quietly behind the camera.  I was so proud of you (and still a little post-pregnancy hormonal) that I couldn't stop my tears.

You've quickly grown out of your 3T clothing in the past few weeks and completely mastered putting on your own clothes, with the occasional shoe on the wrong foot.  You're also staying dry most nights and/or getting up to pee on your own so we'll probably be getting rid of the night-time pull-up soon.


Every day you get better and better at this big brother thing.  Though you seemed like a pro right from the start, watching you love on Bennett and react to his smile absolutely melts my heart.  I had to take him to the eye doctor this week and it broke your heart that you couldn't go be with him during the appointment.


You're so sweet, and so goofy.  I'm going to love every extra day I get with you this summer!


I love you more,
Mommy



Bennett,
You, my big guy, are growing so fast that I feel like I blink and you're chubbier.  You've outgrown even your three month clothes now and we've moved on to 3-6 month sizes.  You very successfully and consistently hold up your head to look around and can move it from one side to the other when you're on your belly, and you've even rolled over twice from belly to back.


You're starting to coo a lot more and it's adorable to watch you and Gavin "talk" with each other.  I can't wait until the real conversations start.  You're just more awake in general now, which lets us see those beautiful blue eyes get bluer every day.  You're sleeping fairly well, generally giving us a six or seven hour stretch every night, with the occasional eight-hour night of awesomeness!


You went through a very brief fussy period between six and eight weeks old where you got fussy for about an hour each evening.  Thankfully, it didn't last long and those nights are now few and far between, mostly just when you're overtired from a long day (or your brother has kept you from napping as much as you should during the day).


You sleep with your eyes partly open a lot of the time, especially when napping.  It usually only happens before you hit deep sleep, but at first I couldn't tell if you were actually asleep or not.  To be honest, it's always creeped me out a bit when people sleep with their eyes open.  I hope you grow out of it.  :)


Speaking of eyes, I had to take you to the eye doctor this week because your pediatrician thought you might have a cataract in your left eye.  At your two-month check-up, it looked like that might be the case, but he wanted a second opinion from an opthamologist.  I was freaked out of course, but the eye doc took a nanosecond look into each eye and said you definitely didn't have cataracts. Better to be safe than sorry, I guess.


I've discovered a small birthmark on the outside of your right knee.  A cute little brown spot that proves you were kissed by an angel (at least that's what Grandma always told me about birthmarks).  I've also discovered your neck is ticklish, as well as your back.  It's my secret weapon to keep you nursing when you are falling asleep.  


Lately, I've heard you giggle in your sleep and it makes me long for your first laugh.  Those sleepy giggles are absolutely adorable and if your true laugh ends up being anything like them, I think they could make even the Grinch smile.

Hey Momma--you think this goofy face could make the Grinch smile?

I love you more,
Momma

Watch Bennett Grow--Two Months Old

Official Doctor stats:
Weight: 13 lbs, 14 oz. (92nd percentile)
Height: 24 inches (86th percentile)

It's a Good Thing God Has a Sense of Humor

Two Sundays ago was Bennett's first Sunday in church, and once again, he proved to be just like his big brother.  Ryan and I started going to Woods Chapel even before we got married.  Our list of friends there has gotten pretty long over the years, and I was so excited to show off our new little man!  I dressed him in an adorable outfit, filled his belly so he'd conk out and (hopefully) sleep like a perfect angel through the service, and headed out the door.


We decided to go to service in the new worship center and even through the loud worship, Bennett made it all the way to the end of service before he started fussing like he was going to wake up.  Now I should have been prepared for what happened next because three years ago, at Gavin's first Sunday in church, it was an almost identical scene.


Picture this:
Peaceful, sleeping little angel of a baby makes it to the very end of church without a peep.  Parents silently congratulate themselves on having the perfect baby when all of a sudden, during the very quiet closing prayer, said baby lets out the loudest, wettest, most disgusting shart imaginable.  So loud, in fact, that congregation members in the pew in front of said baby and even across the aisle turn around to see what just happened.  


That's right...both my boys filled their pants loud enough for the whole congregation to hear on their inaugural trip to church.  I'm so glad God has a sense of humor because I'm gonna want to see both those scenes on the big screen when I die.

Come on Mommy...you know that was funny.

Twinkies

When Bennett was born, my first thought was, "He looks just like Gavin...but with dark hair!"  Over the course of the last six (almost seven!) weeks, I've found myself wondering how I gave birth to the same child twice.

Case in point:

Gavin immediately after birth.

Bennett immediately after birth.

Gavin at three weeks old.

Bennett at three weeks old.

Gavin's first bath.

Bennett's first bath.

There are so, SO many similarities between my boys, but slowly, Bennett is starting to look like himself, and I'm noticing little details that are uniquely him.  His hair, of course, with its dark color and slight wave, the sweet little ridge in his nose, and his hairy little monkey ears.

I can't wait to see his personality start to come out and get to know him for who he is.  Because as much as I love that my boys look alike, I can't wait to discover their differences.

April Gavinisms

Reminiscing on me being pregnant:
Gavin, pushing on my stomach:  "Bennett was in your tummy."
Me:  "That's right.  My tummy was really big and now it's not."
Gavin:  "It still kinda big."
Me:  "Touché, son.  Touché."
Gavin:  "Huh?"


Watching Bennett nursing:
Gavin, pushing on the boob Bennett was nursing from:  "This one empty.  He need the other side."


In the car with a very hungry Bennett:
Gavin:  "Bennett, when we get home I gonna take your binkie out so you can eat.  No crying.  You understand?"


Overheard during kitchen play time with Daddy:
Gavin:  "What do you want to drink, Daddy?"
Ryan:  "What do you have?"
Gavin:  "Um...beer."
Ryan:  "That sounds good!  I'll have a beer."
Gavin:  "Here's your milk!"
Ryan:  "But I asked for beer."
Gavin:  "Yeah...it has a little beer in it."